Hissing Cockroaches and Giant Scorpions Up For Adoption at San Francisco Zoo

SAN FRANCISCO (BCN)– The San Francisco Zoo is offering an alternative to traditional Valentine’s Day festivities this year. Jilted lovers can adopt a hissing cockroach or giant scorpion in the names of their current or future ex(es).

There are multiple levels of giving available, based primarily on the extent of the sender’s level of “residual contempt.”

Zoo officials said the less-than-romantic gift will protect the sender’s karma and help the zoo continue its mission of connecting people with wildlife, while clearly communicating that the relationship is definitely over.

For those still happy in their romantic pursuits, the zoo is also offering cuter, more Valentine’s Day-appropriate adoption opportunities.

Those include the red panda, Magellanic penguin and ring-tailed lemur. There are also a number of big cats available, including the African lion, Sumatran tiger or snow leopard.

Please note that adoption packages do not actually include live animals, and claims from zoo officials about the effect of adopting a scorpion on one’s karma could not be verified.

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